I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
