I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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