I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
