nut hugger
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
