One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
