I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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