for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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