I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
