Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
