im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I want to fling myself into the sun
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
