I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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