Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
