Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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