Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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