so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
