A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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