dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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