is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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