Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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