I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
