Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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