Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
