Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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