you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
