# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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