ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
operation have a gay friend backfired
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
