I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
