LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
