in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
