Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
