Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
