I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
