Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
