i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I will die if light touches me.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
