operation have a gay friend backfired
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
