It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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