i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Randomize
