would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
