I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you had me at cake vodka
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
