I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
