When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize