I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
