There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
