I will die if light touches me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
