She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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