i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
