census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
