My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
