Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize