I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
