We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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