I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
