you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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