so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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