I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
