Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
