you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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