i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
