There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
