well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
