hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
