The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
