You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
