...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
