he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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