First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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