new low.... made out with someone while peeing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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