I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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