I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
